Saturday, April 3, 2010

Counter Destroyer

OH DEAR GOD NO! THERE IS MORE! Over the years on Slamreport.com I have talked about my favourite bad movie of all time, ROBO VAMPIRE. Maaaybe I will repost my review on that some day. But if you have been reading my shit before you know how painful, how ridiculous, how terrible and just how freakin awesome that movie is. You will also know a few years ago I found there was a sequel to his bargin bin piece of shit. Devils Dynamite is a super hero movie also made by the infamous Godfrey Ho. Sequel unfinished movies edited together and new footage added to make it appear complete. Well he did it a third freakin time. The hopping vampire cult from the previous two movies are at it again as they wage war against a group of ninjas. A specific white ninja reminisent to the Super hero from Devils Dynamite is the main hero but before this travisty of a movie is done the robocop rip off cyborg from RoboVampire comes in to kick some ass too. Like somewhere they said this character and his Rock and Roll nightmare walking is too good not to bring back.

Well fuck this I am not telling you anymore about this movie other than to say its, badly dubbed with ninjas, mobsters, wizards, vampires, acid peeing zombie vampire babies and Robocop. I say fuck, watch all three back to back and tear your eyeballs from their sockets from the painful sparkler and fire work special. Effects so special they were delivered in a short bus!

The Impossible Kid

WENG WENG HE'S OUR HERO. HE's GONNA DOWN TALL DUDES TO ZERO!!!
Weng Weng the midget (very small) james bond from the cult classic For Your Height Only is back. Impossible Kid is one of the amazing sequels of Weng Weng Agent 00 the 3 foot tall interpol agent and martial arts master. In this flick he is protecting the Phillipino financial council from a terrorist that's been knocking them off one by one. This terrorist group run by a dude in a white hood with a corba on it making every think Cobra Commander is a member of the KKK. What makes this movie stand out is that it's done even more straight then his previous flicks and packs an action wallop with kung fu fight scenes and vehicle stunts. If you replaced Weng Weng with Jackie Chan this film would totally be the missing 80s movie from the Police Story franchise.

Weng Weng takes no shit when he is attacked at his own dojo in a scene filled with more midget round house kicks then you can count. Chuck Norris would be proud of the little bugger. Weng Weng is amazing even if he is a little bit of a hypocrite. A scene where Weng Weng macks one of the many women that fall in love with him, he says he never drinks alcohol. This scene first impressed me cause it's like the 5th woman in the movie to flirt with him, but then I remember poor little Weng Weng died of alcohol poisoning in real life in the late 80s. Oh well he was amazing while he lasted. Even if it was a short stay.

DRIVE THRU

The ultimate killing Juggalo movie. The basis of this movie is a demonic ronald mcdonald kills wiggers. A mascot clown from the "Hella Burger" joints is now armed with an insane looking as a speaker for a mouth and a book of cuss words. Horny the clown is hunting down the children of his enemies and luckily for us these children are all easy to hate burn out low lives. The audience will have no problem enjoying every single death in this movie because the sleaze bag victims are all as I already said "easy to hate". My favourite quotes of the line "Does the pope shit in the woods, nigga?" and "Nah 5-0 just rolled in this shit is deader than Nixon".



There have been so many Clown killers and Horny the Clown is the best next to the Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Lots of comedic gore and swear words galore. Great cameo by Morgan Spurlock as the Hella Burger manager.
4 beers, 1 bottle of Fago and this movie is a laugh. But get ready for the 2010 sequel .